From School Refusal to School Success: A Student Perspective

Note: if you’re unfamiliar with what school refusal is, scroll to the bottom and you’ll find a short explanation.  

When writing my speech to deliver to my graduating class, I wanted to tell them that I am Autistic. Most of my friends didn’t know, but I needed to show my class who I was and what I had accomplished; what they too could accomplish; and why it was important to me. This is a story about the unsupported student, the Autistic girl, and how she can go from school refusal to becoming valedictorian.  

This is my story.  

It’s the beginning of high school. I’m excited and proud to be accepted into the accelerated program, terrified to leave my small, safe primary school behind.  

I like my maths teacher, find English class too easy and the science room too loud.  I don’t know why the noisy, crowded hallways bother me so much, or why making friends seems so much easier for everyone else. I tell my mum I feel sick in the mornings. I have my first panic attack in a toilet cubicle and call my mum to take me home. My mum tells the school I’m struggling, and my teachers say they haven’t noticed anything. I vomit every day before school.  

I’m diagnosed with autism and severe anxiety. I want to become an author, so I start writing poetry. I tell a friend that I am Autistic; they tell me I don’t look it. I don’t tell anyone else. The panic attacks keep happening.  I try going to the wellbeing office, they tell me to come back later. I faint while riding my bike to school.  

The school calls my mum to pick me up when I refuse to go to class. My parents look for a new school. Meanwhile, I refuse to leave my house, then my room, then my bed. It’s not that I just refuse, I can’t. I have to practice going outside once a day. I’m enrolled in distance education and complete each week’s worth of work in one day. 

My parents find a new school where I’m invited to enrol in the Additional Needs program. They ask me what I need. A simple question but one of the most important ones they could ever ask. I ask for time away from the classroom and a safe space to go when I need a break. I am given three periods a week with an aid out of class. My teachers report every term about my progress.  I read these reports and am asked if my experience matches their account. I feel supported.  

I’m bored in class and asks for extension work. I’m told that if I do less, I will feel less anxious. This makes me feel worse. For me, boredom is the mother of anxiety. My Teacher Aides struggle to understand this, but they trust me to know what I need, and help me create extra projects for myself. I flourish when intellectually stimulated. 

I still have panic attacks, but now have a quiet place to go and someone to talk to. I don’t hide in toilet cubicles anymore, nor do I need my mum to bring me home. When I have the freedom to choose if I want to spend the rest of the day in the quiet Additional Needs room or go back to class, I almost always chooses to go back. I discover my love for linguistics and plan to study it at university. 

As my final year of high school comes to a close, I receive a phone call from my school telling me that I am valedictorian. I cry tears of joy. I write my speech, stand on the podium in front of my classmates, their parents and teachers and tell them that I am Autistic. I’m the happiest I have ever been.  

What is the difference between the unsupported and the supported student? What can teachers do that makes the difference between a student experiencing school refusal and a student who is thriving at school?  

The answer is simple.  

The answer is to listen.  

When I was listened to, when I was trusted to know what I needed and when I was believed, I felt safe. School was still a complex place to navigate, but I had a team of people to help me along the way. Each student’s needs will be different. Most students do not aspire to become valedictorians, but if they are listened to and given the support they need, they will reach their full potential – something we all deserve.  

Autistic or otherwise, when students are supported, they will thrive.  

This story was written anonymously by an Autistic school student who graduated high school in 2023. We have chosen not to disclose their identity for privacy reasons, but all the details included in this story are true and based on their real-life experience. This article represents the perspective and opinions of the individual author.  

Quick note about school refusal… 

School refusal is when a child or young person refuses to attend school due to high levels of distress. It’s also sometimes known as ‘school can’t’ or ‘school avoidance’ and ranges from extremely difficult (frequently late) and high absenteeism right through to refusal to attend school at all. The Senate Education and Employment Reference Committee’s inquiry into school refusal in August 2023 highlighted that school refusal is most prevalent among neurodivergent students, including Autistic students, and students with mental health conditions. It acknowledged the complexity of the issue for the Autistic community and some of the contributing factors – challenges with identifying neurodivergence early and providing reasonable adjustments in schools, supporting students and their families experiencing school refusal, and embedding flexibility into education delivery.