On the intersections of being Autistic and trans by Jac

Content warning: this post discusses transphobia and TERF ideology. If the following brings up any feelings of discomfort or distress you can contact QLife on 1800 184 527 or webchat, or Lifeline on 13 11 14 or webchat.

I have been out as a non-binary trans person for just over one year, and I have been out as an Autistic person for about two years. Today, on Transgender Day of Visibility 2023, I am excited to share that I finally feel comfortable to move through the world as my true self. I am a trans man, happy to use both he/him and they/them pronouns.

Now finally living and thriving as an Autistic trans man, I can confidently attest that being Autistic and being trans are two separate experiences that can and do occur together. My life now – authentic, honest, and full – does not compare to the dull haziness of years spent masking and in the closet. But it wasn’t an easy place to get to.

You may have heard that Autistic people are more likely than neurotypical people to be trans. The reasons these identities intersect are probably as complex as the reasons why Autistic people exist, or the reasons why trans people exist. From my perspective, instead of focussing on ‘why’ it is, we should be focussing on the fact that we are all human beings who have rights. Autistic trans people need support and acceptance to live happy, safe and full lives – especially because of the additional challenges we can face.

It took me some time to accept that I am trans. My layers of Autistic masking and my Autistic traits themselves made it somewhat more complicated to arrive at this understanding of my identity.

I tried for some time to be just Autistic, not also trans. I tried to believe that my lifetime of discomfort presenting as the gender I was assigned at birth was another one of those Autistic traits I’d kept firmly buried under my mask. I did not allow myself to explore my gender, because I convinced myself that I was “just another Autistic person with strange gender feelings”. That what I was experiencing was not a real trans identity.

Being Autistic has made it harder for me and for others to understand and affirm my gender. My alexithymia (read: inability to experience my own emotions) paired with my literal thinking prevented me for some time from actually understanding what gender dysphoria is, and ultimately from realising that I have a pretty bad case of it.

Over my life I repressed and masked not only my autism, but anything else that would earn me a childhood of lonely lunch breaks banished to the library. My queerness also had to go. Instead, I crafted a perfectly neurotypical, straight and hyperfeminine persona. From the outside looking in, I certainly didn’t present like your stereotypical gender non-conforming kid. This has made it harder for some people in my life to now accept that I am trans. And honestly, I don’t blame them – it’s all been fairly confusing for me to unravel as well.

Something that you do when you realise you are trans is you take some simple steps towards affirming your gender – a ‘social transition’ as they say. Many of these changes have been somewhat difficult for me as an Autistic person with high sensory needs. Binding my chest, for example, gives me gender euphoria and helps me to feel like me. Binding also usually leads to me reaching frantically for two hard objects to smack together within a matter of ten minutes. That is, binding plunges me into pretty bad sensory overload, so it’s not something I can usually do for long, if at all.

Accessing gender affirming ‘top’ surgery, the permanent alternative to binding where my chest would be reconstructed to look like a man’s, feels more urgent to me, because I don’t really have another option.

My autism diagnosis also is a potential barrier to me being granted access to care like top surgery. Thanks to a lovely melting pot of ableism and transphobia, Autistic trans people are at risk of being declared ‘not competent’ to define and affirm our own gender identity. This is particularly worrying for me during an era of attacks on trans rights.

Still, I am grateful I have discovered my trans identity and to have been able to commence gender affirming care including cross-sex hormones. These treatments have changed my life. I am somewhat disappointed that I was not able to come to this understanding about myself sooner, because I’ve lost a fair bit of time trying to live a life that wasn’t right for me.

On this Transgender Day of Visibility, I encourage you to extend your support and understanding to an Autistic person in your life who may be questioning their gender identity. Please remain open minded, and please help them to feel safe. If you feel uncomfortable or unsure about what may be going on, there are resources and support groups out there to help educate you. Your friend or family member will appreciate any efforts you make in adapting to see them as the gender they are – even if you stuff up! Finally, social, legal and medical transitions are life-saving. Please stand by us as we fight to protect our right to access this care.